the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize