i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
