He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
