Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
