Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
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