Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
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