im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
