The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
