I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
