i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
