we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
