New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
