I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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