We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
do nipples grow back?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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