I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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