Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
