At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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