How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I can't turn off my feet"
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
