my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
