Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
