Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
