I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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