We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
