:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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