someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
are you so shy because you have an std?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Randomize
