I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
