nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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