So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
