well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
