He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
