I can tuck mytits in my pants
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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