It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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