I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
