I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
