i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
