Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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