Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I just want nice things and good sex
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
