The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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