You work out of a Hotel?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
