you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
