she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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