His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
