"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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