How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
