you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
