i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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