Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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