I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
