look no pants
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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