9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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