If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
