3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
