man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
