Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
