so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
