if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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