remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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