last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Did you pee in the oven last night??
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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