??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
