Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Boobs are out for the taking
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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