just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
