just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
