remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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