My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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