so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
God, I missed his penis.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
