i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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