Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
