i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Couch. On fire.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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