If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
