I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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