I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
