ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
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