Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
handjob tips. give me some.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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