I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
