great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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