Whoa Z and x make the same sound
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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