Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
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