last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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