Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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