a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Hippo gnu deer
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
