I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize