No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
