I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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