ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
