I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
