I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
