Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
