girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
