Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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