Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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