I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
