Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
