Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
