then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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