Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
