Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
She told me I should be a condom model.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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