Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
