...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
