i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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