My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
