My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
